The Remake Nobody Wanted…

So, I guess this is the obligatory introduction – or, in this case, re-introduction – to the blog;

Hello. Welcome to the blog.

Right, that’s that out of the way then. For those who don’t know, this miserable excuse for a blog has been around since September 2013 but after a month in which I barely posted anything I deleted the entire thing in a fit of anxiety. So, let’s just call the first few months a “trial run” and move on shall we? Basically, sporadic posting – in combination with the fact that the blog looked really ugly – brought things to a rather unceremonious end. To be frank I doubt anyone even noticed that I’d stopped posting. Heck, even I forgot that the damn thing existed!

Nevertheless, I’m not one to just give up (that’s a lie, I’m an infamous quitter, but let’s go with it for a minute…) so I decided to get things moving again by… well, by deleting everything I’d previously posted and starting from scratch. Still though, with some fresh new features, a neater look and a better idea of where I want this blog to go, I hope to be more successful this time around. In essence, think of this as a remake of an already rubbish film and you won’t go far wrong…

So, without further ado, here’s a list of all of the new features that I’ll be attempting to run. I give myself a week before the entire charade comes crumbling down but hey, see what you think anyway…

The title speaks for itself, surely? No? Seriously? Fine… alright, so basically all films released in the United Kingdom since January 1st 2013 will be placed into this category. I’ll post a new review every Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, with the occasional special feature thrown in too. As a poor, debt-ridden graduate, I don’t get the chance to go to the cinema all that often but I still try to keep on top of the latest releases anyway.

To me, this is public service at its finest; every Monday morning I’ll update the “On the Box” page with a short list of the week’s best film and TV. Again, as I’m poor I don’t have access to Mr Murdoch’s Wonder Emporium (also known as “Sky”) so you’ll have to make do with Freeview only. I’m completely open to recommendations though so if there’s anything on that I might have missed, do let me know!

Those of you who know me well will know that I’m an opinionated son of a bitch, while those of you who don’t are about to learn the hard way. Every Thursday I’ll post a cinema-centric opinion piece for you to mull over/disagree with. These pieces won’t be intellectual or particularly challenging, though I’m hoping a few of them might spark a debate or something. The pieces will cover topics such as Sweden’s introduction of a Bechdel Test certification (which will be this week’s rant), the politics of horror cinema (a huge, personal interest of mine) and everything in between.

Furthermore, pieces about new trailers and movie announcements – as well as a few literature, music and TV reviews – will also be featured in this category.

I’ve written a lot of reviews over the last couple of years, almost all of which can be found on Letterboxd. To avoid posting everything on this blog, I’ve created an index of every review I’ve written which I’ll update every Sunday. As an html dunce it took me an age to put the list together, so I do hope it’s useful for anyone mad enough to want to read my old writing…

Also, at the end of each month I’ll also make a post linking to any new reviews that I’ve written because I don’t want to scare you off by posting everything on this blog…

“Miscellaneous shit” might be a better title for this feature as it’ll include everything from the latest news from the movie World, to personal posts (such as this one, which is actually in the “News & Media” category now) and random articles, pictures or videos that I might find funny or interesting. There’s no set time for this stuff; I’ll just post it as I discover it, so I apologise in advance if I start spamming you with random drivel…

Tragically – for you lot anyway – this isn’t my only avenue of hate-mongering and ranting. I also write for in a number of other capacities; I’m a contributor to Vada, I tweet for (& sometimes contribute to) Generic Movie & TV and I’m in the process of working on some stuff for Static Mass Emporium too. Basically, I’ll take any writing opportunity I can. Anyway, if you just click on that page you’ll see links to all of my non blog-based writing… you unfortunate bastards…

Aaannnd finally, every Tuesday (except today; today is for introductions only… yeah, I know, I’ve failed already) and Friday I’ll revisit a “classic” film from before the turn of the millennium to see if it still holds up after all these years. The first few weeks will see a focus on classic horror, with a look at films such as The Fog, The Thing and Rosemary’s Baby – to name but a few – but in the coming months I’ll be reviewing everything from A Room with a View to Zulu. Again, requests/recommendations are more than encouraged!

On a similar note, I’ll also be re-assessing a “modern classic” every Sunday, particularly if there’s a sequel or (shudder) a remake that’s about to be released. So, for example, this week I’ll be giving The Hunger Games (“classic” status subject to re-evaluation…) another go to see if it holds up to scrutiny. Then, in a few weeks’ time, Chan-wook Park’s glorious Oldboy will undergo a similar treatment, as – in the coming months – will films such as Anchorman300Captain America and Sin City.

So yeah, that’s the new system. I’ll kick things off properly tomorrow with a review of How I Live Now, along with some other random shit. Also, even though no-one ever seems to do it, don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the box below. I promise they won’t be deleted in some mass crisis of identity… again. Anywho, ciao for now!